Lately, I’ve been feeling lost and confused in this space of not knowing what to do next.
There is a deep ache and a pressure coupled with an unnerving restlessness. Sometimes it feels like I should be doing more, other times less. Then there are days, I’m so frustrated, I find myself screaming, please hurry up and fix it!
I know for sure, the one-size-fits-all-homogenized-smile that life is always a perky-pocket-of-perpetual-grandness, is an illusion.
I wrinkle my nose and step back from this artificial glow; it is swimming (of course) in a non-biodegradable plastic coated cup. I can’t digest it. My mind automatically pushes the cups like cascading dominos.
When I get quieter, I realize I am lousy at being patient with myself. I am hypercritical. My confidence is shaky at best.
In a much smaller voice—barely a whisper—I know I am deep in the process of rewiring the fibers striped of dignity and replacing them with universal threads of infinite love.
I have to stick with it. Be it. And walk through it.
Each day, I remind myself over and over to be kind with myself. This mind-body-spirit healing isn’t easy.
While navigating this uncharted and intense terrain, I can’t avoid the highs and the lows because the light and the dark are equally creative and daunting.
My failures, confusion and angst are as valuable as joy, happiness and success.
During each phase of spiritual and healing growth, there will be questions, doubts and frustrations. Slowly, I will unwind the paranormal gut punches and heal the heart numbing starvation of love.
“Life has taught [me] that love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.” ~ Antonie de Saint-Exupery.
There is also a great need, to be free from the lies and find the beauty within.
As we pursue this journey, we have to be patient with the shifts, however subtle, and work through the tugs and pulls. We have to snip those draining connections and build up new supportive ones.
When we allow our self to simmer above, below and in-between, we have the potential and vast topography of a flexible perception and understanding. We can’t always get to the next point as quickly as we would like to. We have to wait until the doors are shown and then we can move through.
There will be setbacks. We will get distracted in a swirl of unsolicited advice and chatter. But rather than being influenced by what-everyone-thinks-we-should-do, we can learn to cultivate our personal gifts and follow our innate wisdom.
By acknowledging there is constant motion happening under a cosmic microscope, our personal chemistry will permeate and change our very cell-souls.
This process will always be unfolding. There’s isn’t a need for a quick fix. We live in this world as well as the world of our soul’s calling. When the two converge, I believe this is where we meet understanding of our heart’s vision.
Right now, I need to sublimate, recalibrate and refine my inner tools. I rely on nature to find my center. She is always there without judgment or harshness; the wind and trees sing wisdom:
Be patient. Listen. Laugh with your idiosyncrasies. Learn to cry and embrace the uniqueness of your individual imbedded spiritual quest.
I am. You are. We are. Love.
Featured on The Tattooed Buddha.