“You have a gift that only you can give the world.” ~ Oprah Winfrey.
We make all sorts of choices every day and even every hour. Some are simple – ‘Hmmm, should I have M&Ms for breakfast? Or will my stomach ache for hours?’ Others are more difficult and so yesterday I had a plan of action. I’ll create spreadsheets and it’ll fix everything! When I got intoxicatingly bored with the process, I added splashes of color to the rows and columns.
However, today, my brain is flat while trying to drive through gray. The weather has oozed through the sour cream dip walls and into my bone marrow. Thump-thud-thump-thud. SPLAT. I retreated to my cat cave and recycled restlessness. Hit 33 dead ends. Dated a memory of an old boyfriend. And walked through a revolving door that wouldn’t stop spinning. Thankfully my house tiger anchored my feet. And some of the more difficult questions surfaced: Where am I going? What am I doing? How will I get there?
To answer these questions I had to find a narrow channel away from a frequent visitor, self-doubt. As I started to speak (I talk to myself a lot. I felt tiny whitecaps of self-confidence): I am here and I’m already doing what I need to do. I’m writing the non-rules as I go along. Nothing is a dead end, although some days are dizzy. I will always be evolving and revolving. Monochromatic shades of gray are my friends. My goals will change and it doesn’t have to all-make-sense. I lowered my wings and tucked them around me. Finally, I gave myself a little hug of self-recognition.