At some point we get tired of being taken for granted and we realize how often we weren’t appreciated but criticized. It becomes our normal.
Joy feels weird. Having fun is strange.
We’ve internalized negative ghost-like voices of shame. We’ve swallowed them into the hollow of aching and call them all sorts of names: worry, fear, and anxiety, unworthy, fat, ugly, too much or too little. We try to get rid of the nagging feelings or blot out the commotion with numbing distractions.
Maybe if I’m super-duper-busy and work 16 hours a day and have 150+ cases, while going to grad school full-time and sleep only a teeny-tiny bit and pull all A’s– this pain of not-being-good-enough — will go away.”
Until one day, completely shell shocked, I witnessed – the art and gift of someone genuinely appreciating and loving another person.
I cried. That really deep, I can’t breathe sort of cry. Because for once I realized, “I want that too!!”
It was more than a standard lightbulb going off. It was a stage crew at a theater, flipping all the switches at once and shining a spotlight on my inner soul’s letter and it read…
This is how I want to be treated: With love and respect and appreciated for my gifts and it’s okay! It’s more than okay – it’s deserved.
I extend this message to you: We all deserve to be loved and felt, respected and appreciated.
(c) Carolyn (Riker) Avalani | Artist: Masha D’yans